A Few of My Favorite Things...

I'm currently hulled up in SF and have managed to wake up in the same outfit that I fell asleep in all week. So apparently my previous post was just a fluke - mystery solved and I still have no excuse for highschool. Anyway, I wanted to share yet another of my favorite commercials which never fails me when I need a smile.

Also I would like to take a moment to share with you my disgust for bulk buying stores such as Costco and Sam's Club. Princy Pooh lured me there last night under the ruse of "grocery shopping". $109 later we had enough salmon and chicken breast to last until the end of time. Which will be a painfully long and hungry span for me as I don't really care for either item. We also have a month's supply of yogurt, tomatoes and mushrooms. What the fuck am I supposed to make with that?! Anyway, I'm over it now I guess. He's on his own for meal ideas the rest of the week. I just wanted some fucking enchilada sauce.

Other points of interest...I'm one step closer to sucking it up and car shopping. I'm switching banks this week so I can get a better interest rate and then I'll be sending Princy Pooh in to do some heavy duty negotiating. I was instructed that during this process I'm to say I'm a student and so is he. I had no idea there would be role playing involved, but I'll go along with it for now.

Finally happy birthday to Ms. Patty Pants. Hope you had wonderful time at the game.

Things That Go Bump in the Night...

Strange thing happened to me just the other night. I was visiting Princy Pooh in the Bay and I often sleep like a log while there. Well I went to sleep like usual wearing a nightie but I woke up very much naked. At first I thought nothing of this (I do occasionally sleep a bit naked) until I realized that my nightie was tossed across the living room. I immediately accused Princy Pooh of funny business and scolded him for not doing a better job and actually waking me up. But he denied it and confirmed that yes, as far as he could remember I had come to bed fully clothed. And so it remains a mystery. I'll be going back to see him on Tuesday so we'll see if it's a developing trend. I secretly suspect that I've had this problem - sleepwalking stripteases- for a very long time and that it accounts for some of the less than desirable lovers I've encountered over the years. I simply fell asleep minding my own business and boom. Much like the girls that "accidentally" have sex with people. Anyway, no matter at this point. I just better make sure Princy locks the doors and windows at night so I don't escape.

Weighing in...

Lately I've been spending a lot of time weighing the pros and cons of owning a scale (pardon the pun). And I've come to the conclusion that there is really no benefit. Other than weighing my luggage prior to flying, the scale mostly exists to piss me off and ruin at least one day of each of my weeks. So I'm considering a bit of a challenge...I will not weigh myself for the rest of the year. Hell if that goes well then maybe I'll just never weigh myself. As someone that has made a habit of weekly weigh-ins for many years (fucking American culture) this may be a bit tough. I imagine though that after a month of panic and then the realization that my clothes still fit and that I will never weigh significantly less or more, I may indeed find peace. For the record I own two scales and often like to play them against one another. Anyway, don't be surprised if you get scales in the mail for X-mas Cadis and Patty...

Now for an IUD update. I have been approved by my insurance to the tune of $439.40. That's a $25o deductible and 20%. But considering my birth control runs $120 for three months, I consider 5 years at $439.40 an absolute steal. Now I just have to survive the insertion in December. Merry X-mas me...

And finally I would just like to bitch about car maintenance. This week has cost me 750 big ones in car repair for my 2001 Bonnie. Hardly worth it. And while I was making every effort to survive with that fine automobile until I could save up to pay cash for my next ride...I think I may have to fold soon. I'm looking at options now and plan to send Princy Pooh in to secure the best deal possible for me (he's ruthless, learned to bargain in the alleys of Tehran you know). I'm currently researching the Honda Fit... So should someone have ample time while working nights, feel free to search that and similar cars. Well tonight is officially 4 months with Princy Pooh so I must now prep for our date.

Oh and one last thing...I buckled to yet more pressure today and had my upper lip threaded. The last three times the lovely women providing my fine eyebrow sculpting had tried to tempt me with the upper lip. But as a fair skinned blondie I thought there was simply no need. I was pushed over the edge today though when the girl said, "There's really quite a bit of hair there you know. Just look." Guerrilla sales tactics. Kicking me while I'm fat (at least I think), broke, and already teary eyed from my brows.

PS it's 73 here in the south Bay...how's that fine weather back home??

Sound Check...

Well I truly wanted to blog everyday since Thursday, but I've been bed bound since my tragic IUD fitting. Ok I'm being a bit dramatic but let me just say it hurt. Can I get some lidocaine please all up in there?! Anyway I'll spare you the super gory details and leave it at it hurt, much like a extreme and life-threatening 30 second cramp. Apparently I have a very tight os. Yes that's one you don't hear everyday. And I'm not entirely sure if that's a compliment or not. But according to the good doc I "sound" at 7.5 and can indeed have my IUD. I plan to give myself a good two to three months to forget the "sounding" pain prior to signing up for insertion pain. Princy Pooh has agreed to go with me to the next appointment though. I think there'll be some 10 am ice cream and Fat Tires following that appointment.

Tonight I'm attempting to make a dish I've christened Mexican Lasagna. I shall cut tortilla's into strips. Make a mixture of cheese, cottage cheese, salsa and enchilada sauce to layer with chicken chunks between said tortilla strips and then bake the mess for some undetermined time at some magic temperature and see what I get in the end. I hope Princy Pooh isn't too hungry tonight...

And after much debate Princy Pooh and I have decided to postpone our trip to Canada to meet his folks until March during the Persian New Year. Mmmm Canada in March, sounds lovely no? I'm told there are some pretty amazing pastries involved in the Persian New Year though so I'm pretty excited about the whole deal. It does involve a red eye flight after which I will meet my potential in-laws. I'm also equally excited about that part. That's it for now koochooloos. Oh and you're more than welcome to send care packages in anticipation of my medical procedure :)

Thought I'd also add a music video in honor of my upcoming trip. I can understand maybe three words...better step up my language lessons.

Shopping Hell & Fornication...

Well I survived the big wedding and the Spanx (though I do think I came close to puncturing a lung on some misbehaving underwire while shaking it to Love Shack.) I did receive a fair amount of grief for my lack of blogging so here you girlies go.

Wedding Breakdown:

It was a nice wedding, I enjoyed myself. Best of all, the wedding gave me a chance to get my priorities straight as far as wedding bliss is concerned. Basically, I won't be having one...at least not a traditional one, or one that happens in the good ol' U S of A. Princy Pooh and I have already pinky sweared on the details.

Top Wedding Moments:

1) Cowdog (apparently he is a person and not just a book character that also answers to Hank)

2) Mommy Dearest's "Oh who dates these days anyway, you all just sleep together right?!"

3) Being served a pint at a local pub by a pregnant past classmate wearing a kilt.

999999) Running into Camo Man (see the details of my last voyage home if confused) while helping the bride to be pickup the tux's. (I could have done without this one)

Also, I will be going to the doctor on Thursday to do a bit of research...my latest obsession is IUD's. I'm convinced it is the best choice for birth control for the modern women. Apparently I have to be "measured" before I can have one inserted. I'm not entirely sure what this entails but I have a pretty graphic mental picture started. I'll get back to you all on that one.

Also, no blog is complete without a bitch session. So here goes...I just want a pair of jeans that fit. Is my ass really that out of this world that no company can manage to create jeans with appropriate proportions? I have even attempted to buy jeans from L.L fucking Bean. I give up! Kudos to Princy Pooh for listening to me bawl and swear like a sailor for five minutes after trying on said L.L Bean jeans. Perhaps I'm a touch hormonal right now as well.

I'll leave you now with a gift just for Cadis. I'll send you it as an email so you can print it out for your fridge. You're a stronger woman than I Ms. Cadis.

Spanx My Ass...Please!

Alright Cookies, while Cadis had the pleasure of hearing the latest update only minutes after the occurrence, the rest of you are very VERY behind. I had a brush with death this weekend. You see...my spiffy new Spanx (Body Wrap Lites to be exact, not brand name Spanx but...) arrived while Princy Pooh was here for a visit. I carefully removed them from their packaging while I thought he was busy showering and grooming. Unfortunately he walked out and so innocently asked "What it that?!" After a brief explanation that included my fear of clinging fabric he said "Try it on, I don't get it". As previously mentioned I ordered a large (see photo below for laugh). While I hesitated to try on the sausage casing in my still very new boyfriend's presence I also worried that if I tried it on alone I might get stuck. Then what?! So with his help (there was absolutely no way I could get that bastard on alone) I made it into my girdle. Fine quotes from Princy Pooh included, "Ok now put your boobs where they go, wait, where are your boobs?" said as he tugged at the bottom of the slip from my hips and "You think what happens to women in my country is inhumane?!" I had no better luck getting out of the contraption. I even considered filming the spectacle but I thought I'd leave something to your well working imaginations. So to Kara I say...are you sure about those 8 pairs of Spanx over threading? I think I'll opt for the best brows in the wedding party and forget about my flab.

It must be noted that this is the garment post try on. It was half that size before it's tangle with my ass.

Threading, Cow Palace and Spanx?!...

So, as previously mentioned multiple times...I'm a slacker. I've been living large in more ways than one here in sunny CA. Which brings me to my first and most recent shopping adventure. I'm in two weddings in the next year and well I pretty much do not fit into any mass produced dress pattern (also previously mentioned). So I have decided that the only logical and economical solution is Spanx...or some knock-off variety. Today I scoured the internet looking for the perfect sausage casing to wear under my bridesmaid dresses. The next step will be to venture out and actually try some on before settling on a model and then outbidding some 40 + year old woman on Ebay. The thought of this leaves me in a cold sweat. And just a quick question...should I be put off by that fact that I most likely require a Large girdle to be less large? I say bring on the cheesecake.

I've been spending a bit of time in the Bay Area. Sadly in all my glory I've taken but one picture. And I only managed this so that Patty and Cadis Fly could truly appreciate the beauty of the Corn Palace back home. Google this if you want more details, I guess it's kind of a big deal.

Now on to threading. If you have no clue what I'm talking about let me just say that I think threading could give water boarding a run for it's money as most popular torture method. Despite the following video's claim of painless hair removal I was most definitely in pain following my eyebrow styling. But alas...I plan to continue. Princy Pooh has even generously volunteered his mother to teach me to do my own and I do think he may have even offered to do mine for me. That's some serious bondage...bonding.

Wiki link:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Threading_(epilation)

Oh yeah, one more important fact. I've decided to betray my generation and refuse to text message.

Wish me luck.