Shopping Hell & Fornication...

Well I survived the big wedding and the Spanx (though I do think I came close to puncturing a lung on some misbehaving underwire while shaking it to Love Shack.) I did receive a fair amount of grief for my lack of blogging so here you girlies go.

Wedding Breakdown:

It was a nice wedding, I enjoyed myself. Best of all, the wedding gave me a chance to get my priorities straight as far as wedding bliss is concerned. Basically, I won't be having one...at least not a traditional one, or one that happens in the good ol' U S of A. Princy Pooh and I have already pinky sweared on the details.

Top Wedding Moments:

1) Cowdog (apparently he is a person and not just a book character that also answers to Hank)

2) Mommy Dearest's "Oh who dates these days anyway, you all just sleep together right?!"

3) Being served a pint at a local pub by a pregnant past classmate wearing a kilt.

999999) Running into Camo Man (see the details of my last voyage home if confused) while helping the bride to be pickup the tux's. (I could have done without this one)

Also, I will be going to the doctor on Thursday to do a bit of research...my latest obsession is IUD's. I'm convinced it is the best choice for birth control for the modern women. Apparently I have to be "measured" before I can have one inserted. I'm not entirely sure what this entails but I have a pretty graphic mental picture started. I'll get back to you all on that one.

Also, no blog is complete without a bitch session. So here goes...I just want a pair of jeans that fit. Is my ass really that out of this world that no company can manage to create jeans with appropriate proportions? I have even attempted to buy jeans from L.L fucking Bean. I give up! Kudos to Princy Pooh for listening to me bawl and swear like a sailor for five minutes after trying on said L.L Bean jeans. Perhaps I'm a touch hormonal right now as well.

I'll leave you now with a gift just for Cadis. I'll send you it as an email so you can print it out for your fridge. You're a stronger woman than I Ms. Cadis.