Dear Molly and Ryan C...
It has come to my attention, courtesy of American Express's multiple early morning phone calls, that you have unpaid bills. While you are like so many Americans, your plight is beginning to disturb my very precious sleep. This simply will not stand. I assume you are not out there busting your ass to pay your bills so perhaps you can find time in your busy schedule to update your contact information. If not, I will be forced to google you and update it myself next time they call. Thanks and best wishes.
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